I was trying to decide if I was going to share this experience or not, but I don't really see why I need to keep it a secret, and I learned so much from this experience, so here goes...
On Saturday when we were at the Rockies game, we got a call from Scott's dad that Sherri's adopted children had a biological brother born. He was wondering if there was a chance that we would be interested in adopting him. Scott said we would think about it, and that was that. Neither of us thought much would come from it. Well all day it was all we could think about! We talked and talked about it, how it seemed like really good timing, we wanted to keep their biological brother in the family, we would be able to give him the gospel, etc. etc. I really started to fall in love with the whole idea. Everything felt good, and everything felt right. We decided to go to Heavenly Father in prayer to decide if it was right, and we continued to feel good about it. My sister in law told us that it was a very good possibility, and she would talk to the social worker in the morning to see what he said about it. I have to admit that I did not sleep very well that night. I just couldn't believe that my life was about to change so drastically, and that there was a little baby out there that I felt was mine.
Sherri called us Sunday and told us that the social worker and the girl in charge of placing the baby did indeed want the baby to come to us. Their boss, however, did not because he felt it wasn't fair for the families on the waiting list that were already certified and ready to take him. A lady that is at his level really likes babies to stay in the family, and would probably want him to come to us, so we still had a good chance. In the next day or two they would have a meeting to discuss whether or not this baby should go to us. Our sweet sister Sherri wrote a very sweet letter telling why we deserved this baby, namely that he would be raised knowing his siblings. Throughout Sunday we still felt good and excited about it, but little doubts were starting to creep into our minds.
Sunday night we spoke with Sherri again. She told us how she went through an experience when she was looking to adopt where she found 2 girls online, and fell in love with them. She cried about them, prayed about them, and really felt she wanted to adopt them. Well when they went to inquire about them, they were already being adopted. We felt we could really relate to the feelings she felt. Maybe it just felt right because it's a sweet baby, and adopting him would be a good thing to do. We also found out that the baby may not actually have the same father, so he wouldn't be a full biological brother. At this time I felt so confused because up to that point it felt so right. There are three things I learned from this. 1. With information brings inspiration. The more information we were given, the less right it started to feel. 2. Sometimes Heavenly Father doesn't give us the correct answer right away. He lets us find out a little slower so that we are able to go through a trial or experience and learn from it. 3. Sometimes Heavenly Father asks things of us to see if we would be willing to do them, ie. Abraham and Issac.
Monday night after much thought and prayer, we realized this baby was not ours. I had a real sense of peace that he was going to a family that was good for him and that he was going to be taken care of. Once I realized these things, I was able to release all the emotion that had built up over the previous couple of days. It was a real sense of relief, because adopting this baby would have been a huge trial in and of itself. It was something I was willing and able to go through, but that would have been difficult. I can't even tell you how much I learned from this experience. I cannot even describe to you how incredibly emotionally drained I felt over those few days. Both of us cried numerous times over this child. I am so thankful for trials that come in my life, because I really believe they shape me into a better person. This experience brought us closer to each other, and closer to our Savior, which was the perfect thing for Easter weekend.
